• It's shiny, black and silver.
• Approximately 2 peak horsepower motor, 120 volt, 60 hz, 11.5 amps
• High-efficiency radial cooling fan
• Thermal protection system to prevent overload and burnout
• Low-friction ball-bearing motor built to last a lifetime
• Heavy-duty, hide-away safety cord extends 19 inches to 6 feet and has a grounded 3-prong plug
• Black wear-resistant plastic base.

Alright you pervs, it's a blender. It's the Mother of all Blenders to be exact. SugarMomma was soooo excited when she found out it could turn grain into flour. (go figure, that's what turns her crank.) I was thinking more like Margaritas!

Well, we christened it. Sent it into a life of service with a little Jose Cuervo's Margarita Mix, and some Sauza Conmemorativo. It was like the best Big Gulp ever. I approve. She can make those anytime she wants. I'm going to make those anytime I want. This thing kicks ASS. The Vita-Mix Deluxe 5000.

I have to say though, this is a company that perhaps should not be doing business online. Being a stay-at-home dad I have come to embrace online shopping wholeheartedly. As long as it's something I don't have to try on, and it's from a reputable source, either direct from the company or a major online retailer, I'm pretty comfortable with the experience. Being based in Canada I'm accustomed to jumping through a few hoops to get things sent to me, I shouldn't have to, but that's another story.

I was encouraged to find out Vita-Mix has a Canadian shipping warehouse so I wouldn't have to deal with the border, customs, duty, and all of that. The website listed prices in cdn$, another plus. The order confirmation email arrived with a big Thank You for your order and seemingly all of the pertinent details, so far, so good.

The good vibes ended there however. After my confirmation order I waited my 7-10 business days for delivery as indicated and nothing arrived. I waited a couple of more days, because you know, shit happens, still nothing. So I call the information number for Vita-Mix and explain my situation. I give them the order number from the email and they proceed to tell me that's not a valid order number, not enough digits.

[Ok, breathe...]

"Let me check by name and address."

"Oh, you're from Canada, yeah the email system doesn't send out the right details for the Canadian orders, it happens all the time, your order is right here in the system though, but it hasn't shipped yet."

[Huh? Hasn't shipped yet? I ordered it on the 23rd of April, it's May 7th! ]

"Oh, it looks like it's out of stock, but we'll get more soon."

[Wait, hold up. Why wouldn't someone tell me that? In this day of customer service and all that? Shouldn't there be a system in "The System" to flag and identify this sort of problem?]

"I'll have to check with the warehouse to see when they're getting more and when it might get shipped out, what is your email, I'll find out and send you a message."

No email ever arrived.Three weeks and four follow-up phone calls and this behemoth of blending power finally arrived. The lady on the phone was very pleasant, and somewhat apologetic. Oh, and they did send us 2 free Smoothie Travel mugs for all our trouble, which arrived one week before the blender. Awesome.

So I invite you to pull up your mouse, stay awhile, impart your own tales of Interhell. I mean why not, I'm makin' Margaritas, who's thirsty?

Tags: Customer Service, Vita-Mix, Margaritas, Mother's Day

Oh Mother, My Mother.....wow that was cheesy. Let me try again. Mothers, she without whom we would not be here, and she without whom we would not be Fathers, you Freakin' Rule! Mother's Day, what's with that. Another Greeting Card Conspiracy. I mean really, one day a year that we show our appreciation for these wonderful women. These incredible, fantastic, invigorating, validating, courageous, groundbreaking women. They are all of these things aren't they? My mother gave birth to, and helped raise me if that's not courageous I don't know what is, Thank You. My Wife, groundbreaking, check, incredible, check, validating, check, I mean come on, she married me didn't she!? She deemed me worthy of Fatherhood, made a man out of me, rendered me a Big Bad Daddy. Thank You.

My Sugar Momma, honestly, I am a better man because of you. Plus, without you I wouldn't have an excuse to own provocactive onesies with implied profanity. This shirt is actually a little bittersweet. For those of you in my loyal readership of one (Thanks Joe! You rock!), you may remember from the Potty Fu episode the fact that ThingTwo is a child of great resolve and when she decides something, it is final. Well before she was a year old, on Christmas Eve no less, she decided that she was done breast feeding and that was that. The Sugar Momma tried for a month to whet her appetite as it were to no avail. The absolutely terrifying part of this story is that she was not yet taking solid foods with any regularity and lost an alarming amount of weight. She is a tiny kid and losing any weight was a cause for concern and not eating anyhthing for a few days, well let's just say the holidays were not dull.

It's funny, Sugar Momma bought this shirt, and loved taking ThingTwo out in it. She still likes the shirt, but she feels like a bit of a poser because ThingTwo is no longer a "Mutha Sucka". That, and Momma had no choice in that decision, which hurts. I'm always floored to watch the Mother of my children and how her every thought, word, and action is a testament to her unflinching commitment to our ShortThings.

You Rock.

Mom, without you I could not be who I am, I mean that, literally. You decided I was worth the effort, and I appreciate that. Recently I have come to realize and appreciate how much of me I owe to you. I love your Maverick Spirit, your courage in breaking new ground, your appetite for knowledge, and the simple belief that if something is worth doing, it's worth doing well. My life has been full, and rich, and we view the world through similar eyes. I love that you get me, and always have.

You Rock too.

My Sister, you should get a medal for bravery in motherhood. I have said before that adversity breeds greatness so I suppose that makes you Freakin' Awesome!! The crap that life has thrown at you the last few years would turn an elite combat unit into slobbering mess, and yet you still hold your head high and go for yours. Keep the faith Sista!

You Rock too too.

For Those About The Spawn, We Salute You.

Tags: Mother's Day