Contact Sport
Fatherhood is a Contact Sport: Redux
08/07/08 21:33 Filed in: Rantin'
Let me set the stage. “ThingTwo is showered,
slathered in skin cremes (excema), and dressed with
hair in an up-pony to keep it out of the way while I
deal with ThingOne, before we move out to the spot
where we dry and brush the hair. I am still in my
boardshorts, soaking wet. ThingOne is reasonably
capable now and can get herself dressed with a
minimum of help. I start to untie the string on my
shorts and ThingOne nudges ThingTwo and whispers
”We’re going to see Daddy’s butt.” Instantly all
attention is on me, but whatever, I have to get
changed right? So I do the quick dry off of
everything not covered and drop my shorts and grab my
underwear. As I am pulling them up, ThingOne giggles
and says to ThingTwo “ Look! we can see his penis!”
and ThingTwo immediately reaches out grabs me and
exclaims “I GOT YOUR PENITH!”............ I swat her
hand away while trying not to fall over (my underwear
are still halfway up and the floor is slippery). I
yank them up and reach for my cargo shorts and before
I can get them on, again with the grabbing and the “I
GOT YOUR PENITH!” Again I swat and turn away still
struggling to get my shorts up, before I can get them
up she gets the third and fourth grabs and
exclamations in and all the while ThingOne is
laughing uncontrollably and I can’t keep a straight
face to say STOP! or NO! with any kind of authority.
ThingOne did not do this kind of thing at this age, she looked a bit but never progressed to grabbing. I knew I should have remembered those snacks....
Motherhood is not without peril either. I recall a story Sugarmomma tells about ThingOne and a public bathroom. ThingOne has always had quite a strong vocabulary and we have always been advocates of anatomical correctness. Those Potty training books that say shit like “and you have a pee pee for making wee wee.....” just piss me off, I always changed the words on the fly. So anyway, Sugarmomma and ThingOne are using the public bathroom, momma pees and then stands up to finish and THingOne Shouts out “Mommy, you have hair on your P-Gina!”. I’m told there were stifled snickers from the stalls on either side. You know you’ve got stories, go on, ...spill.
BBD.
ThingOne did not do this kind of thing at this age, she looked a bit but never progressed to grabbing. I knew I should have remembered those snacks....
Motherhood is not without peril either. I recall a story Sugarmomma tells about ThingOne and a public bathroom. ThingOne has always had quite a strong vocabulary and we have always been advocates of anatomical correctness. Those Potty training books that say shit like “and you have a pee pee for making wee wee.....” just piss me off, I always changed the words on the fly. So anyway, Sugarmomma and ThingOne are using the public bathroom, momma pees and then stands up to finish and THingOne Shouts out “Mommy, you have hair on your P-Gina!”. I’m told there were stifled snickers from the stalls on either side. You know you’ve got stories, go on, ...spill.
BBD.
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