Once again the photo is a stretch but it might make sense by the end of the post. The Big Bad Family is looking at Dogs. We have yet to have a dog, Pre or post ShortThings. We‘ve wanted one forever but it never seemed like the right time. Never really fair to the dog you know, we wanted to make sure it was going to get the attention and care that it needed. Well, it seem like now is the right time, not right now, but soon. You see, SugarMomma saw this article in the paper about this relatively new breed called Eurasiers. They were having a Eurasier conference here in Calgary and the article had pictures and named one of the local breeders who happened to be the head of the Canadian Eurasier club. These dogs are B-U-Tee-Full! So we did a little more research and they sounded like the perfect dog for us. Intrigued we contacted the local breeder, filled out an application, went and met him and his FIVE dogs, fell in love and put our names on the waiting list. The next litter of puppies should, if all goes well be ready to leave the breeder around April. PERFECT! So what’s next, names of course. I have a list of names that the SugarMomma wouldn’t let me call the children, so those are the first names thrown into the ring. T1 is old enough and creative enough to provide some of her own suggestions. This is where it gets good.

Originally We thought we wanted two dogs right from the start, but upon advice from the breeder we will have to stagger them a year to 18 months apart. Something about the older one helping train the younger one, makes sense I guess because hey! What do I know. So back to the Names. T1 has offered up “Rock Johnson” for a male and “Rock Purdy” for a female. My first reaction is that “Rock Johnson” sounds like, well.....you know what it sounds like. So I say to T1, that’s a pretty long name, try and pretend you are at the dog park and you have to call out that name because he’s running away, it’s a lot to say. What do you think? I know! she says we could call him “Mr. Rock Johnson”! (Yes, yes dear that’s so much shorter). Try yelling that for the dog, “Come! Mr Rock Johnson!, Come! Mr Rock Johnson!”

We’ll keep looking for good names. Any Suggestions?

BBD

Tags: Funny

I know I already used this photo but it was so appropriate and I didn’t have time to come up with something new. That said, today I took the “Things to the pool. I know, yesterday biking, today the pool, just call me Julie-Cruise-Director! The pool we go to is great, it’s a wave pool, and has a waterslide, a “lazy river”, and a tot tub. The “Things always have a great time and today was no exception. I was hucking ThingTwo and having her do full 360’s in the air before splashdown, with a constant chant of “AGAIN, AGAIN!”. Another proud moment there. This pool is equipped with Family Changerooms. As a Father with two girls, this has to be the most impressive feature of the facility in my eyes. Closed door changerooms with an adjoining private shower. That alone makes it worth the price of admission. The ‘Things are exuberant children, they love a good “Echo” and those rooms ring. I’m sure everyone can hear everything you say in those rooms. Getting the ‘Things showered, dried and dressed is like one of those really complicated ballroom dances that I tried to learn for my wedding. It takes lots of practice. I have to say I’m quite good at it now, unlike the ballroom dancing. But of course, just when you think you can relax, they throw in added difficulty, you know, just for fun.Keep Reading....

Tags: Pain, Self Preservation, Kids, Contact Sport

Last Thursday I had my worst computer nightmare come true. My computer froze, my hard-drive chirped and said a soft farewell. There was no Dylan Thomas- esque raging against the dying of the light, there was however Rage Against The Machine - esque “WAKE UP”. Just a couple of chirps and “see ya, wouldn’t want to be ya!” This has happened before, and I learned that time, you must BACK UP, regularly, in multiple places. So that time I got a nice external HD set it up and backed up. I haven’t been super busy on the computer up until about three weeks ago, whan all hell broke loose. I have done more work on the computer in the last three weeks than the last three months. Do you think I remembered to back up during the insanity, you’re thinking, yes, oh yes, he learned his lesson......well NO. I didn’t. I lost EVERYTHING I’ve done in the past three weeks, which like I said, is a lot. Sorry for all the “Type-shouting” this is still a little painful. For those of you who don’t know, I stay at home to take care of my two ShortThings full time during the days, and I run a small graphic design studio with all the spare time I have left *HA!*. I had a bunch of work come out of nowhere and was running on an avg of 3 hours sleep a night and a couple of nights with no sleep at all. Lots of work, good work,...all gone. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

This is a preventable tragedy, one that should not have happened and, due to new measures, should not happen to me again. I have a new backup system that backs up my HD hourly, daily, and weekly until it is full, and then only discards the oldest date as it needs space. It has 1TB (that’s tera-byte, oh yeaaaahhhh!!!!) of space on it. Plus I have a 500GB external which I will use as additional space and as a back up to the back up. The real pain in my ass has been reinstalling all of my software, serial numbers, fonts, settings, etc, three years worth of those. who knew that would take so long.

Don’t let this happen to you, for those of us who spend a great deal of our time in the digital realm, and make some kind of income from it, I urge you spend the money, get a system, and use it. BACK UP.

Peace OUT.

BBD.

Tags: Technology, Crash, Burn, Pain, Suffering

Would it be wrong to ducktape ThingTwo's suckie and blankie directly to her person? The misplacement of these two items fuel enough distress and rage to start Wars! As long as I know the locations of these two items i can make it through my day unscathed. Sometimes I wonder how much time I lose each day searching for these things. Racing from room to room scanning for the damn things amidst the path of destruction she leaves in her wake. She's like the Perfect Storm. Systematically laying waste to every room equally and somehow strewing debris from each room into all of the others.

I always said there was no way I was going to be a push-over, but when she starts to wail I end up going from room to room scanning the environment for these two items, It's like Arnold in The Terminator and the computer interface he sees inside his head. The screen focus scanning and identifying the obstacles in front of him and assessing the level of threat to his mission. I move from room to room, picking up things, moving the clothing shrapnel towards the bedrooms and the apparently elusive laundry buckets, collecting toys that I didn't know we owned, re-capturing the tissues that she decided to liberate from their oppressive confines. The shrapnel is abundant because you see, it's summer! and well, even though no one told me, clothing is optional!

This is an ongoing process and over the last couple of months I have developed somewhat of a sixth sense for finding these things. (either that or I'm just stubborn and can't stand the crying) The absence of the suckie and blankie really constitute a life and death situation so it is imperative to know where they are at all times. Summertime has brought brought both new challenges and assets to this fight. My attire during the summer months consists predominantly of three things: T-shirts, Cargo Shorts, and flip-flops. Cargo Shorts being the key factor here, we generally have 2 suckies in the main rotation at any given time and the cargo pockets are perfect for storing the backup or the main when she has put it down but not yet realized it is no longer in her gob. Summertime also means that the square footage you must be aware of increases because you have to factor in the back yard, this is where the flip flops come in, easy on - easy off! T-shirts? Well what's more comfortable than a T-shirt?

What are your kid's "Ducktape" items? (I know it's spelled d-u-c-t, it's just fun to say.)

Tags: Terminator, Perfect Storm, Suckie, BLankie

Curiosity my ass! The poor beast, I don't even like her but I don't want to see her tortured. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself. ThingOne and BestFriendOne have playdates regularly, usually one at each house each week. Today was our turn to host. My kids rarely bother with the beast but BestfriendOne LOVES the cat. Loves to play with her is more accurate. Not like tease her with string and rub her belly and stuff, more like dress her up and push her around in the dolly stroller. Last time she was here the cat ended up in a tutu. Well today, they were going for a new record, They nearly killed her, at least that's what I told them. I called them to lunch and walked around the corner to find them sitting with the cat draped in bondage gear, pre-school style. She had 2 Mickey Mouse Misting Fans on Lanyards strung around her neck. I immediately pulled those off and found some ribbons, a necklace, and to top it off, a hair elastic with some barrettes clipped to it. She is a short hair cat and the hair elastic was not in a cute pony tail, oh no, it was strapped around her head from chin to crown virtually cutting off her breathing, why she didn't run away is beyond me, why she didn't scratch or bite them during this is waaaay beyond me. Maybe she just liked the attention, perhaps I should pet her more.

**IMPORTANT- No animals were harmed in the making of this blog. ** (SugarMomma However, in an attempt to get a picture of The Beast did manage to break her BRAND NEW 10 megapixel digital camera, ....grrrrrrrrrrrr.)

Tags: BFF, BF1, The Beast, Kill The Cat

ThingTwo however, having been forced to endure all manner of alternative food sources due to her severe food allergies has a much more open and adventurous palette. That is not to say she likes everything, but she is willing to try new things, especially if Mom or Dad are having some. This is fantastic news when it comes to fruit, vegetables, and all the other things we wish ThingOne would eat, but it also extends into things we could have her wait to try. Enter the Grown Up Drinks. SugarMomma, being the holistically minded individual she is, saw no harm in allowing ThingTwo to "sip" the vino she was enjoying. What she wasn't expecting was the stunning caliber of ThingTwo's vocabulary at such a young age, and the power of certain words to pierce through the din of a crowded restaurant and turn all heads in our direction. "Mowr Wine, pleathe! I'm sure they were just impressed with her power of language, ....right? The looks we received we're a mix of amusement and disdain, and understanding. All of you parents know these looks, like the ones you get in the supermarket checkout when your kids say something, ........honest. You know like "Daddy, that lady has beard, like you!". So after this happened a few times, SugarMomma stopped ordering the wine with dinner. As summer is now approaching and "girly" drinks like Vodka coolers are coming back into the mix, she decided to be tactical about this situation. Predictably ThingOne was repulsed by the idea of anything remotely fizzy and ThingTwo is in there like nobody's business. To avoid the stares of disdain, SugarMomma decided to answer the question "what's dis Momma?", with the answer "Broccoli Juice Baby."

So, how do you prepare? How do you train and be ready for the oncoming assault? Tactical Parenting That's how.

1. Anything you like, that is off limits to your kids and they know it, put it away, or higher than it currently is.
2. Anything that may be deemed "climable", bolt it to the wall.
3. Anything that could be used as a weapon, hide it, or keep it handy, your choice.
4. Make sure your power tools are actually put away in the special cabinet you had made for them.
5. Make sure that all potentially fatal chemicals are put in said cabinet.
6. Go out and get the clasp and lock you have been meaning to put on said cabinet for the last year and a half.
7. Make sure all of the bikes have air in the tires, ......and the bolts that hold the wheels on are tight.
8. Dig out the extra Car seat before you leave for the airport.
9. Pray for Sunshine so they can spend the bulk of their time outside in the hamster cage, enclosed trampoline.
10. Hug you kids and tell them they know what is allowed and what isn't and hope they feel "empowered" (knowing full well this will do nothing, but it sounds like good parenting doesn't it?)
11. Have your personal "Serenity Now!" phrase on the tip of your tongue.
12. Restock the tequila, because there's always Margaritaville........

I have no doubt it's going to be a fantastic weekend, we haven't seen them in a long time and there will be lots of catching up to do and lots of fun to be had. It's going to be a blast watching the kids go nuts together. There will be margaritas regardless of the weather, and the ShortThings haven't slept through the night for two and half years anyway so, bring it on!

See you soon sis!

Tags: Tactical Parenting, Family Visits, Safety First!, Margaritaville

Tags: Toddlers, Holidays, Exhaustion, Marathon

• It's shiny, black and silver.
• Approximately 2 peak horsepower motor, 120 volt, 60 hz, 11.5 amps
• High-efficiency radial cooling fan
• Thermal protection system to prevent overload and burnout
• Low-friction ball-bearing motor built to last a lifetime
• Heavy-duty, hide-away safety cord extends 19 inches to 6 feet and has a grounded 3-prong plug
• Black wear-resistant plastic base.

Alright you pervs, it's a blender. It's the Mother of all Blenders to be exact. SugarMomma was soooo excited when she found out it could turn grain into flour. (go figure, that's what turns her crank.) I was thinking more like Margaritas!

Well, we christened it. Sent it into a life of service with a little Jose Cuervo's Margarita Mix, and some Sauza Conmemorativo. It was like the best Big Gulp ever. I approve. She can make those anytime she wants. I'm going to make those anytime I want. This thing kicks ASS. The Vita-Mix Deluxe 5000.

I have to say though, this is a company that perhaps should not be doing business online. Being a stay-at-home dad I have come to embrace online shopping wholeheartedly. As long as it's something I don't have to try on, and it's from a reputable source, either direct from the company or a major online retailer, I'm pretty comfortable with the experience. Being based in Canada I'm accustomed to jumping through a few hoops to get things sent to me, I shouldn't have to, but that's another story.

I was encouraged to find out Vita-Mix has a Canadian shipping warehouse so I wouldn't have to deal with the border, customs, duty, and all of that. The website listed prices in cdn$, another plus. The order confirmation email arrived with a big Thank You for your order and seemingly all of the pertinent details, so far, so good.

The good vibes ended there however. After my confirmation order I waited my 7-10 business days for delivery as indicated and nothing arrived. I waited a couple of more days, because you know, shit happens, still nothing. So I call the information number for Vita-Mix and explain my situation. I give them the order number from the email and they proceed to tell me that's not a valid order number, not enough digits.

[Ok, breathe...]

"Let me check by name and address."

"Oh, you're from Canada, yeah the email system doesn't send out the right details for the Canadian orders, it happens all the time, your order is right here in the system though, but it hasn't shipped yet."

[Huh? Hasn't shipped yet? I ordered it on the 23rd of April, it's May 7th! ]

"Oh, it looks like it's out of stock, but we'll get more soon."

[Wait, hold up. Why wouldn't someone tell me that? In this day of customer service and all that? Shouldn't there be a system in "The System" to flag and identify this sort of problem?]

"I'll have to check with the warehouse to see when they're getting more and when it might get shipped out, what is your email, I'll find out and send you a message."

No email ever arrived.Three weeks and four follow-up phone calls and this behemoth of blending power finally arrived. The lady on the phone was very pleasant, and somewhat apologetic. Oh, and they did send us 2 free Smoothie Travel mugs for all our trouble, which arrived one week before the blender. Awesome.

So I invite you to pull up your mouse, stay awhile, impart your own tales of Interhell. I mean why not, I'm makin' Margaritas, who's thirsty?

Tags: Customer Service, Vita-Mix, Margaritas, Mother's Day

Now, when you're done absorbing all that is being imparted, prove that you were here go to the bottom of the page and leave a comment. Let's play a little game, kind of like who's line is it anyway, let's call it "BLOGPROV". If no one else has coined that phrase (which I highly doubt) It's mine! I said here first, you read it and it's mine!. (Ahem) Sorry about that. "BLOGPROV" give me a topic and I will attempt to write about it.

Next challenge, I'm compiling the definitive list of:

"Movies that are worth watching in spite of Kanoe Reaves being in them"

1. The Matrix. (of course it's the top of the List)
2. Speed (Pop Quiz Hot Shot!)
3. Point Break (mindless action, surfing Bank Robbers in Presidential rubber masks, what's not to like)
4. The Replacements (come on, Rhys Ifans was hilarious)
5. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. (you loved it, admit it.)
6. What will it be......
7. .......

As you may have already guessed i am not much of a movie snob, and frankly, I don't really care. I'm not so concerned with deep philosophical meaning and ground-breaking performances. I want to be entertained, plain and simple. I want two hours of escape., complete with mind-numbing explosions, car chases and martial artistry. I sit, unapologetic. Name a cheesy movie and I've probably seen it, and enjoyed it for that matter. I'm ok with it. Oh, by the way in case you were wondering, I can spell KEANU. I'm just sayin'.

Oh I also added something new to my sidebar, It's called "ThingOne Said". I think it's self explanatory.

So bring it On!! Leave a comment. start a debate! Leave a comment. Start a fight! Leave a comment. Debate the artisitic merits of Anchorman vs. The 40 Year Old Virgin. Leave a comment.

Was that too subtle?

P.S. I'll explain the Pink soon. I could say it was because of what Joeprah said about pink and Mommy bloggers, but it's not so you'll just have to wait.

Tags: Pink Floyd, BLOGPROV, Kanoe Reaves, Comment

Fathers are for rough-housing right! I have two girls, and both of them love to play rough with me, and I love it. I love to have them crawling all over me, nothing makes me feel closer to them. The smiles on their faces and the squeals of deilght are intoxicating. It is not without it's dangers however, and for the unaware it can be downright painful. I play with my kids quite a lot, so I'm always "on guard" and I think being a man comes with an extra heightened sense of self presevation, if you know what I mean. So I always find it moderately amusing when one of my kids inadvertently lays the smack-down on some unsuspecting adult who decides to get in the ring with them. Let me reiterate, I have two GIRLS, both of which have a combined weight that barely tips the scales at 60lbs. They are light, and slight, so not visibly an outward threat. This is what makes them so dangerous, their dainty stature and shining faces deceive their targets into relaxing and WHAM! They strike like sledge hammers! The other factor is they are relentless, they just keep coming. I haven't figured out yet how to turn that off without tears, but I'm working on that one.

Anyone with small children that are still not yet in school but have past the toddling age, knows that you do not take your eyes off of them when playing physically interactive games. This is just asking for a knee or two to the forehead. Even during story or cuddle time, the defenses should still be on alert, wary of an unprovoked full-arching reverse head-butt. ThingTwo is now at "That Height" and of the belief that running full-tilt at me hands up and head forward is just the "funnest" thing in the world, and will do so when the mood strikes her. ThingOne likes to "cuddle" but is incapable of sitting still for more than three seconds at a time and thus I sit in the "Forearm block" position in anticipation of a wayward elbow or an errant knee. She is also especially skilled with her footwork in both the "climb into the lap" and the "climb up the front and backflip dismount" manouevres. Dads especially will appreciate this last one, "The Chest or Armpit Hair clutch". This one comes out of nowhere, is almost impossible to defend against, and is both excruciatingly painful and dangerous on more than one level. The child is usually perched in some precarious position and so letting go of them or reeling away in pain could lead to more serious ramifications making it imperative that you suck it up and endure the torture while it lasts. The other thing is that crying out in either pain or anger may scare the child making things worse and let's face it, making you look like a big ol' sissy.

I would like to invite others to add to the list of ShortThing Defense Tactics, let me know what moves your ShortThings have that routinely catch the rookies off-guard, and remember:

Pain Heals, Chicks dig scars, Glory is forever.

Tags: Kids, Physical Play, Self Preservation

In order to accomplish this, good shovels are key. You need a couple of different kinds, one for pushing the snow that is in reasonable proximity to the site, one for carrying good amounts from farther distances, and one for doing the detailed shaping later on in the process. You also need lots of snow, if you think you have enough, you don't. We made two piles that were up to my waist and once they were packed in, ended up being less than two feet tall. A lot of it is used up supporting the flat deck on top, and the transitions on the front. Making sure you have enough to cover the flat bottom is also key.

In Alberta you have to work quick, the temperatures that give you this kind of snow are elusive and short-lived. We had a 30º+ swing and by the next afternoon it was but a memory. So build it, session it, and get photographic proof. We've done this twice this winter, check the video.

So, when it's still snowing in April, in Alberta, that's how you make lemonade. That's how we....slide.

Tags: Winter, April, Snow Day, Lemonade

I don't mind doing laundry, I really don't. I find folding laundry oddly satisfying, somewhat meditative. I think part of it is the closure. It's something I can start, and finish. Which is a rare thing with a couple of short things running around. It's also something I can do without thinking about it, which allows me time to think about other things, while looking busy and focused enough to fool them into doing things for themselves once in a while. It's not unlike dishwashing (which I also do a lot of), but dishwashing has the added bonus of wet hands.

I want to pose a question. What is it with 5 year olds not being able to take off their clothes without leaving every single item INSIDE OUT? I don't believe they do it on purpose, but then wouldn't Murphy's law permit that once in a while something would remain right side out? Also, now that I do virtually all of the laundry, I can say this out loud. Ladies please, what's with the used tissues in the pockets??? I understand you get runny noses but, why keep the evidence? More incredibly, how do the tissues still manage to make it into the wash and then all over everything in the dryer, when you have NO POCKETS in your clothes!?? I've been doing this for a while and I now know to check the pockets, but when the pants have no pockets, where are you hiding the tissues? Could someone shed some light on these mysteries?

Tags: Winter, Laundry, Kids

I think kids should eat more dirt, I think it helps build a strong immune system. When it stays winter through the end of April, my kids immune systems have run out of dirt. Like the story of the chipmunks who ran out of nuts because they goofed off in September and didn't stock up, my kids did not eat enough dirt last summer. Now, they're play-dating with Sick, who brings along Whine. After a relatively Sick-free "Winter" (Nov-March in my mind) this is annoying. So instead of dirt, They're still eating snow, which does NOTHING for their immune systems.

Needless to say, this summer, (if it ever comes) they will eat more dirt.

Tags: Winter, Sick Kids

I like winter, or at least I did at one point. I used to live for it, but that was when I was working at a ski hill and riding my snowboard six days a week. A foot of fresh snow was like Christmas!, getting hit in the face with snow all day long was actually enjoyable, desirable! enviable! a sought after experience! Now I drive a minivan. Fish-nosing a minivan is just not cool. (It's fish-nosing as opposed to fish-tailing because most minivans are front wheel drive.) All Season Tires? I think not. One of the exits from our neighbourhood on to a main road is a sloping, downhill, off-camber, right turn that also serves as the right hand feeder lane for the upcoming intersection. (Just to clarify, off-camber means it slopes toward the outside if the corner, away from the direction you are turning.) The slightest bit of hestiation or over-braking, well actually braking of any kind really, will send you sideways and either lodge you directly across the width of the on-ramp, or out into the traffic that are veering into your lane, ignoring the definition of "merge" in a coffee fueled road-to-work rally, because you know, "they have 4-wheel drive, so it's ok". This turn claims it's fair share of victims every year, but when it's still snowing in the last week of April, well let's just say there is no fear of missing the performance bonus this year.

Tags: Winter

I'm not concerned with the scientific validity of the idea, weight vs. strength, vs. endurance, vs. flexibility, vs....... I just love the story. As I write this my five year old has her upper body balanced on the kitchen table, and is extending her lower body out to a fully horizontal position repeatedly, while eating toast.

I found a link that discusses this story here and I was surprised by the tone of the conversation. As someone who chases two small children around all day I have to say, while I do my best to anticipate their needs and keep half a step beside them, there is no way I could match their activities or the pace at which they do them. I have suggested on numerous occasions that someone should invent a Toddler Wheel, as in hamster wheel for children, and then attach a some batteries to it and harness the power created. My wife keeps telling me that that would be cruel, I kinda think they would have a ball. Like those merry-go -rounds they used to have at playgrounds, who didn't love those! Hook up some kind of power converter and voila! cheap power. Ok, Ok, kids aren't cheap but you get the idea.

After being at home full time for over a year now I like to think I've learned a few things, how to function on 4-5 hours of sleep, fruit juice and orange juice are NOT the same thing, and sometimes it's better to just let them wear their pajamas.

Tags: Kids, Athletes, Strength

Now let me say, I like Neil Young, but I'm not a zealot. I can't listen to him for hours on end, sometimes I can't even make it through a whole album, but when the time is right, he does the trick.

So when I finally sat down, after making lunch for ThingOne, ThingTwo, and BestFriendOne, cleaning up from said lunch, lulling ThingTwo to sleep with a round of "Clues Clues" (Blue's Room) while ThingOne and BestFriendOne amused themselves downstairs, Neil came to mind. The "sitting" lasted about 30 seconds before the awakers were looking for a snack, and deciding that they were done playing downstairs and now the vicinity of the sleeper seemed like a much more inviting place to be.

Tags: Neil Young, Sleep, Lunch, Kids