Would it be wrong to ducktape ThingTwo's suckie and blankie directly to her person? The misplacement of these two items fuel enough distress and rage to start Wars! As long as I know the locations of these two items i can make it through my day unscathed. Sometimes I wonder how much time I lose each day searching for these things. Racing from room to room scanning for the damn things amidst the path of destruction she leaves in her wake. She's like the Perfect Storm. Systematically laying waste to every room equally and somehow strewing debris from each room into all of the others.

I always said there was no way I was going to be a push-over, but when she starts to wail I end up going from room to room scanning the environment for these two items, It's like Arnold in The Terminator and the computer interface he sees inside his head. The screen focus scanning and identifying the obstacles in front of him and assessing the level of threat to his mission. I move from room to room, picking up things, moving the clothing shrapnel towards the bedrooms and the apparently elusive laundry buckets, collecting toys that I didn't know we owned, re-capturing the tissues that she decided to liberate from their oppressive confines. The shrapnel is abundant because you see, it's summer! and well, even though no one told me, clothing is optional!

This is an ongoing process and over the last couple of months I have developed somewhat of a sixth sense for finding these things. (either that or I'm just stubborn and can't stand the crying) The absence of the suckie and blankie really constitute a life and death situation so it is imperative to know where they are at all times. Summertime has brought brought both new challenges and assets to this fight. My attire during the summer months consists predominantly of three things: T-shirts, Cargo Shorts, and flip-flops. Cargo Shorts being the key factor here, we generally have 2 suckies in the main rotation at any given time and the cargo pockets are perfect for storing the backup or the main when she has put it down but not yet realized it is no longer in her gob. Summertime also means that the square footage you must be aware of increases because you have to factor in the back yard, this is where the flip flops come in, easy on - easy off! T-shirts? Well what's more comfortable than a T-shirt?

What are your kid's "Ducktape" items? (I know it's spelled d-u-c-t, it's just fun to say.)

Tags: Terminator, Perfect Storm, Suckie, BLankie

I love boobies! I mean who doesn't, really? Plus, it's just fun to say. Babies love them, kids love them, boys love them, girls love, men love them, women love them....you get the idea. What body part is more obsessed about by both genders and all ages? It would be a shame to lose them wouldn't it? Earth Shattering! life changing! perception altering! ok, you get the picture, again. SugarMomma feels strongly about her boobies and wants to keep them. So she has decided to walk. 60km in two days to be exact (that's 37 miles for all you Americans). She has signed up for The Weekend to End Breast Cancer and has pledged to raise $2000 and walk the 60kms in support of the cause. (I said "support" hehe, *Ahem*), as I was saying.

The Weekend is July 25-27 and SugarMomma is participating in the Calgary event. In an effort to raise the required money she has gotten creative, we're talking a snack cart at work, (she works in a place that doesn't sell any junk food so her cart is full of the essentials: chips, chocolate, coke, and those icy frapa-dapa-lapa-ccino things.) She and her team are also Holding a Pancake Breakfast!. Now for those of you who don't know, Calgary is home to "The Greatest Outdoor Show on Earth" otherwise known as The Stampede, and around Stampede time, the Pancake Breakfast is an Institution. So what better fund-raising ploy than to host a "BOOBIE BREAKFAST", (otherwise known as a Breakfast in support of The Weekend to End Breast Cancer, ugh! how boring is that! I think my name is so much better.)

So, being only moderately shy (not really) I'm going to ask for support! (I said it again...) If you think that boobies are worth saving, HOOK US UP! email me directly here, and I'll give you the link to SugarMomma's personal donation page, bonus if you're a Canuck because if you do it online you will get a tax receipt in the mail, woo hoo! If you are local to Calgary send me an email and I will give you the details of the "BOOBIE BREAKFAST" you can come down and gorge yourself on a fine Stampede tradition.

Now the last thing, and some might say the best thing. Being the wildly creative and somewhat industrious individual that i am I decided to help in my own way. How could one support this bodacious cause and get something cool in return? You know, like a free gift with purchase. How could one spread the word, while looking oh so stylish? How about wearing your heart on your sleeve! (or rather your chest!) Boobie fans would want to do that right? And, who are bigger fans of boobies than breast-feeding babies? So I am going to produce a limited run of Baby Onesies with the "i love BOOBIES" heart you see in the image above printed on the front! All of the profits will go to The Weekend to End Breast Cancer. You will be able to choose from WHITE or BLACK with Hot Pink Ink of the front, because let's face it, those cause ribbons, are so played! You'll be able to buy them via Paypal through this site and we'll figure out how to send them wherever they need to go. So until after the walk weekend, this blog will rock the Hot Pink!
Come on, say it with me, ........I LOVE BOOBIES!

Check back soon for more Details.

This entry has been brought to you by the letter "B"

Tags: Boobies, Walk, 60km, Weekend To End Breast Cancer

Curiosity my ass! The poor beast, I don't even like her but I don't want to see her tortured. Wait I'm getting ahead of myself. ThingOne and BestFriendOne have playdates regularly, usually one at each house each week. Today was our turn to host. My kids rarely bother with the beast but BestfriendOne LOVES the cat. Loves to play with her is more accurate. Not like tease her with string and rub her belly and stuff, more like dress her up and push her around in the dolly stroller. Last time she was here the cat ended up in a tutu. Well today, they were going for a new record, They nearly killed her, at least that's what I told them. I called them to lunch and walked around the corner to find them sitting with the cat draped in bondage gear, pre-school style. She had 2 Mickey Mouse Misting Fans on Lanyards strung around her neck. I immediately pulled those off and found some ribbons, a necklace, and to top it off, a hair elastic with some barrettes clipped to it. She is a short hair cat and the hair elastic was not in a cute pony tail, oh no, it was strapped around her head from chin to crown virtually cutting off her breathing, why she didn't run away is beyond me, why she didn't scratch or bite them during this is waaaay beyond me. Maybe she just liked the attention, perhaps I should pet her more.

**IMPORTANT- No animals were harmed in the making of this blog. ** (SugarMomma However, in an attempt to get a picture of The Beast did manage to break her BRAND NEW 10 megapixel digital camera, ....grrrrrrrrrrrr.)

Tags: BFF, BF1, The Beast, Kill The Cat

I feel like I have arrived, tear. I'd like to thank the academy....... Ok but seriously, I'd like to thank Joe over at Joeprah.com not only for giving me a huge shout out in his Must read Blogs section but also for being one of two commentors I've had so far. Joeprah.com is one of the main reasons I decided to try this and it means a lot. I actually got 8, count' em 8 page views yesterday, woo hoo! Now that people other than my wife are looking at this (she looks to make sure I'm not embarrassing her.) I feel like I should up my game some how. Any ideas? I've got a couple but I have to figure out how to make them work. In the meantime Thanks again Joe and Peace OUT!

Tags: Joeprah, Thanks

ThingTwo however, having been forced to endure all manner of alternative food sources due to her severe food allergies has a much more open and adventurous palette. That is not to say she likes everything, but she is willing to try new things, especially if Mom or Dad are having some. This is fantastic news when it comes to fruit, vegetables, and all the other things we wish ThingOne would eat, but it also extends into things we could have her wait to try. Enter the Grown Up Drinks. SugarMomma, being the holistically minded individual she is, saw no harm in allowing ThingTwo to "sip" the vino she was enjoying. What she wasn't expecting was the stunning caliber of ThingTwo's vocabulary at such a young age, and the power of certain words to pierce through the din of a crowded restaurant and turn all heads in our direction. "Mowr Wine, pleathe! I'm sure they were just impressed with her power of language, ....right? The looks we received we're a mix of amusement and disdain, and understanding. All of you parents know these looks, like the ones you get in the supermarket checkout when your kids say something, ........honest. You know like "Daddy, that lady has beard, like you!". So after this happened a few times, SugarMomma stopped ordering the wine with dinner. As summer is now approaching and "girly" drinks like Vodka coolers are coming back into the mix, she decided to be tactical about this situation. Predictably ThingOne was repulsed by the idea of anything remotely fizzy and ThingTwo is in there like nobody's business. To avoid the stares of disdain, SugarMomma decided to answer the question "what's dis Momma?", with the answer "Broccoli Juice Baby."

So, how do you prepare? How do you train and be ready for the oncoming assault? Tactical Parenting That's how.

1. Anything you like, that is off limits to your kids and they know it, put it away, or higher than it currently is.
2. Anything that may be deemed "climable", bolt it to the wall.
3. Anything that could be used as a weapon, hide it, or keep it handy, your choice.
4. Make sure your power tools are actually put away in the special cabinet you had made for them.
5. Make sure that all potentially fatal chemicals are put in said cabinet.
6. Go out and get the clasp and lock you have been meaning to put on said cabinet for the last year and a half.
7. Make sure all of the bikes have air in the tires, ......and the bolts that hold the wheels on are tight.
8. Dig out the extra Car seat before you leave for the airport.
9. Pray for Sunshine so they can spend the bulk of their time outside in the hamster cage, enclosed trampoline.
10. Hug you kids and tell them they know what is allowed and what isn't and hope they feel "empowered" (knowing full well this will do nothing, but it sounds like good parenting doesn't it?)
11. Have your personal "Serenity Now!" phrase on the tip of your tongue.
12. Restock the tequila, because there's always Margaritaville........

I have no doubt it's going to be a fantastic weekend, we haven't seen them in a long time and there will be lots of catching up to do and lots of fun to be had. It's going to be a blast watching the kids go nuts together. There will be margaritas regardless of the weather, and the ShortThings haven't slept through the night for two and half years anyway so, bring it on!

See you soon sis!

Tags: Tactical Parenting, Family Visits, Safety First!, Margaritaville

Tags: Toddlers, Holidays, Exhaustion, Marathon