I have every intention of coming round here regularly and jotting down wonderfully amusing anecdotes to keep my legions of fans and readers tapping refresh on their browsers with baited breath. Then reality kicks in. Once in a while though, something breaks through and here I am.

I am now a little more than two weeks into Puppy-Fatherhood. I don't remember my daughters being this much work. (I'm sure I'm just blocking that out, but you get my point. I was over at Being Michael's Daddy and I feel his pain. ThingTwo, you remember her right? Well she JUST started sleeping past 5:30 AM, and now, I have a barking alarm clock. 4:30, 5:00, it's not a very good alarm clock. (It's a good thing it's cute.)

This is our first dog as a family. My family had a dog or two when I was growing up, but never a puppy, and I was never really involved in it. Banzai is a purebred Eurasier. As such, we got him through a breeder. I'm amazed they don't have that kind of screening process for owning humans. Anyway, we had to agree to a bunch o things, one of which is puppy class, and also a suggested reading list. I think I'm learning more about how to deal with my kids from the puppy books than my seven years of Human-Fatherhood. It's great information and we're killing ourselves to not "Ruin" him off the bat. They all say that the period of time between 8-12 weeks is the critical imprinting period and that all his major behaviours will stem from there. That's a little ominous isn't it?

Week 1: Three days in a row I took him out to "Hurry Up!" he pee'd eventually, I waited a bit more, nothing, so I took him back in the house, and within two minutes,......he crapped on the floor. Needless to say by day three I was a little frustrated. The books say, put him in his crate. Let him out to "Hurry Up!", give him three minutes, if he doesn't go, back in the crate! Try again in half an hour, rinse and repeat until he "Hurry Up!s" and then treat and praise the crap out of him, (so to speak). Eventually they figure this out and do what you want them to, only they think they're choosing to do so of their own accord because they want the treats at the end. Our puppy class teacher ASSURED me that he was incapable at his age to crap on the floor intentionally. By the end of the week he started getting the idea. Now he even barks at the door sometimes when he needs to go out.

Week 2: All about the training! Click and Treat, Click and Treat, repeat, repeat, repeat! It's exhausting doing everything "right". At least dogs don't due sarcasm......I don't think I could take that. He's actually doing really well. I told the teacher how smart he was, and how fast he was learning when she did a housecall for us and she said, "All puppies are smart" and I thought, "I know, but MY puppy is S-M-A-R-T! I should tell you about the title, well, maybe it's self explanatory.

BBD.

Tags: Banzai

Meet Banzai. He's the newest member of the big bad family, and he comes home to us in 1 week. Man, we are so not ready. A lot has happened here in the last couple of months and I have been too tired, stressed, overwhelmed, racked, and now debilitated to write about any of it. I am currently lying face down over the side of the bed, with my laptop on the floor, because this is the only position I can sustain for more than 2-3 minutes without being in agonizing pain. I have spent the better part of the last three weeks in a horziontal position, and not for the good reason. My back doesn't like me very much right now, so of course it's the perfect time to be adding an energetic little ball of fur to our brood, but as the french say, "That's life". Needless to say we are all very excited about his arrival and have been preparing endlessly to be ready. He hasn't arrived yet and I swear he's already got as much stuff as the kids do, a crate, a bed, blankets, a toothbrush, toys, toys, and more toys......and don't forget all the books. Have you noticed that every book has a completely different approach and everyone you talk to tells you that whatever the last person you talked to, told you, is a crock and you should do something else. I'm a lot bewildered, but I figure hey, my kids are still alive right? I can probably keep the pup that way too. Well, here's hoping anyway.Keep reading, there's more,.....seriously, there is.....

Tags: New Beginnings, Banzai, +1, Puppy

It is 5:46 AM and I have not yet been to sleep. well, that's not exactly true, I did sleep for about an hour in ThingTwo's bed while putting her to bed, but I have been up since then. Why you ask? The answer will cover this question and another most of you are probably asking yourself, Where the Hell have I been lately? The answer is - working. I am in the process of growing a small business, working from home, and taking care of my two wonderful daughters. This is not news to most of you, but the current economic situation is neccesitating that my business actually start bringing in some revenue. I know, go figure right? So I have been spending most every free waking minute in front of my computer, head filled to the bursting point trying to keep the different projects I am working on separate in my brain, and I fear that as a result, my brain has now turned to goo.

I have to take people to the bus/work/school now, but I might be back later to add to this train of thought, ......If I can stay awake.

Tags: Sleep

Due to rampant speculation and a frenzied rumour mill, I am forced to emerge from my computer induced stupor and clear the air. Flat Weaselmomma hereafter reffered to as FWM is alive and well and has suffered no ill will or harm in any intentional or accidental way. She made it across the border cleanly and was welcomed by her easy-going Canadian hosts warmly.

FWM has been enjoying the final stretches of the Canadian winter, taking part in the local tribal pastimes, consuming the local libations and fare, meeting various types of the indigenous peoples. Her last outing she was overheard discussing going on tour this band of merry travellers, but decided not to in the end.

FWM's "Things I learned in Canada" List.

• It doesn't snow year round (contrary to popular belief)
• Canadian "Beer" averages 5%-7% alcohol.
• A "Couple of beers" is at least six.
• "Next door neighbours" and "Just down the road" can mean multiple miles away.
• Fleece and Flannel are functional AND fashionable.
• If you want to blend in, learn to finish your sentences with "Eh!" and not "Aaaayyyy" (ala the Fonz).
• 50-60º is considered T-Shirt Weather, although wool socks are acceptable year round.

The last month and then some has seen our little corner of the world released from the clutches of winter and released into the sogginess of spring. The sump pump in the basement actually does work and has been pulling double-duty keeping the spring runoff from flooding our basement. THe snow has all but gone and everything is a little bit squishy but is drying out nicely and should be pretty great in no time at all. Now that the snow is mostly gone we are getting a chance to see a great deal of the property we had not seen since we first viewed it last summer before we bought it. I have to say it is pretty awesome. My sister came to visit again awhile ago, you know, the one who broke her arm snowboarding. Anyway, she remarked that staying with us was like staying in the "director's cabin" at summer camp. I don't mind that analogy at all, I loved summer camp. I spent half my life at summer camp, so the thought of living somewhere that feels like that is perfect. With all of the classic wood panelling and the brown and green paint job, it does look like a cabin, or a ranger station or something.

We are also not far off from our roadtrip to go and pick up our new puppy. He was born a few weeks ago and is getting bigger each week. We are as of yet undecided on a name. Actually we have to come up with two names, an official registered name, and a given name we'll use everyday. We've thrown around lots but none have really stuck yet. We ordered up a few of the books recommended by the breeder on Amazon and Sugarmomma has begun reading them. I am supposed to have started doing this as well but have been eyeballs deep in the computer and tax prep that I have not started yet and am going to be in big trouble if I don't get on it soon.

This was good, I should do this more often.

Tags: Fugitive, FWM, Flat Weaselmomma, Summer Camp, Puppy

It is Saturday Morning, and for the first time I can remember, I am the first one up, sort of. ThingTwo was the first one awake, but when she finally realized it was me in bed with her and not Mommy she got up dragged her blankie out from under me and moved into the next room and took over my spot in my bed. Today was my day to get up, so SugarMomma could sleep in. This is not usually successful, ThingTwo will not usually stand for this. Once she is up, she wants Mommy to be up as well, and I am the first one to admit this is not fair but as with all toddlers, she cannot be reasoned with. The other factor is the difference of definition of "Sleep In" between myself and SugarMomma. For her, sleeping in is anywhere past 6:00am. She is consistently up between 5:00 and 6:00am due to her "alarm clock" and so any time past that is deemed sleeping in, if she makes it past 7:00am it's getting luxurious. My definition however is slightly different. I. can. sleep. I can sleep through a lot, the depth of my sleep has lessened somewhat in the last three years due to unavoidable circumstances, but I can still sleep well without too much trouble, 9:00am is not difficult to achieve. Today however, I find myself awake, alone, in a quiet house, and it's not midnight. The first thing I did? Check the weather, because that's what Canadians do, so we have something to talk about if we run into a situation that requires small talk later. Now what I thought? I miss Saturday morning cartoons........the excitement of getting up on Saturday morning with the promise of new adventures of your favourite characters, lingering in your pajamas while polishing off bowls of cereal or stacks of toast. It's ironic really, I think I must be manifesting those memories out of nostalgia of the common conciousness, I don't think it was actually like that in my childhood. It must have been occasionally but I don't think the Norman Rockwell-esque picture I just painted was the normal reality. I remember a small black and white TV, it was yellow actually, and it had the kind of dials that you had to turn by hand. We never had cable so the reception was always a bit snowy. I remember Sesame Street and The Little Rascals. I remember Mr. Dressup, and the Friendly Giant. I remember The Wonderful World of Disney on Sunday nights. My grandparents had a color TV long before we did so maybe those memories are from visits to their house.

Anyway, it was a moment, a brief moment of being alone and awake on a Saturday morning, a moment that ended before I actually got to start writing this but a moment none the less.

Tags: Morning, Sleep In, Cartoons

Once again, I assure you, I'm not dead. Once again I have gone somewhat AWOL and now find myself sitting here listening to some sort of german-techno-metal on Rossland Radio Co-op. The shows just changed on the hour and I went from listening to, get this "Here for a good time" by Trooper, to "Music Box Dancer" by Frank Mills(?) to "Rock and Roll ain't noise pollution" by ACDC, to this crazy german techno. Co-op radio, you gotta love it. SO what's been happening around here you're all wondering. Let's see, I suppose Valentine's happened awhile ago, we are not big "Hallmark Holiday" people but Sugarmomma nearly completely surprised me by getting me what you see in the photo above. If you can't make out what it is, it's an iPod Touch, the big one 32gigs! (cue the Tim Taylor growls). I mean she MUST love me, cause I love this thing! I had watched Zack and Miri make a porno just before this and there's a line in it where Zack says to Delaney something about buying two flat screens so he can put one in the bathroom so he can watch Sh#t while he Sh#ts. Now, I can! I can watch movies, but almost better, I can watch movie trailers online whilst taking care of business! Oh, it plays music and games and stuff too. it is a pretty cool little piece of technology. Incidentally, taking pictures of a chrome surface, especially a curved one, without getting too much superfluous stuff from the background is not easy! Check the series of attempts.



Next, it's been a long time since someone in my proximity has ended up in the hospital. Some years ago now I had this streak of just about everyone who went mountain biking with me ended up in the emergency room at the end of the day. Broken or bruised ribs, bruised throat, pins in the thumb, Sugarmomma ended up in the emergency room at least three times. Two of those incidents within the first few weeks she had started a new job, I was sure they must have thought I was beating her. But that was all years ago, I mean it was like 7 or 8 years ago. Maybe I was overestimating their ability, or maybe they were.... Anyway my baby sister came to visit us over Valentine's weekend, which just so happened to coincide with a local holiday in Alberta which added to the saga of getting here but that's another story. We picked her up from the Airport in Trail which isn't much more that a small tin building with a runway not much bigger than a driveway in a flat section near the river. We immediately drove up to the ski hill without going home first because she was already a day late due to flights and we wanted to do as much snowboarding as possible. I hadn't realized that she hadn't been on a snowboard since the last time she and I went night-boarding at COP in Calgary, two years ago. We had talked about it over the last couple of years and she had bought a bunch of new equipment so I figured she had been getting out a bit. Not so much. In spite of the long gap in her riding she did quite well. We started out on the "Red Carpet" which is the teaching area and she started to remember what to do. Feeling pretty good we headed up the chairlift with all of us, Me, Sugarmomma, ThingOne, ThingTwo, and BabySis. We picked a nice run that everyone could do and made our way down the mountain without incident. With a group of this mixed ability it takes awhile but it was fun none the less. The ShortThings were feeling bagged and getting grumpy so SugarMomma offered to take them in to warm up and get ready to go home while BabySis and I did "One More Run". If you ever go skiing or snowboarding, a word of advice: Never say you are going for "One More Run". It never ends well. we made it up the chair fine, decided to take the same run down to let her work on her turns. We had made it 3/4 of the way down without incident. We were in the home stretch on a big wide section that feeds a bunch of the runs back to the lift and what looked like an innocent slipped heelside edge turned out to be be this!



How gnarly is that! Let me tell you, looking at it before they casted it while she was lying on the snow waiting for the patrol to help her, it was crazy. You could tell just by looking at it that it was broke, but good! This wasn't no sissy injury, this was the real deal! So we spent the next three days waiting and trekking back and forth to the hospital, great vacation, HAH! She still wants to come back though, and is determined to learn to ride well, she's one tough cookie!

I can't forget to mention that SugarMomma had to go away for work during this week and since the "Loss" of her precious suckie, ThingTwo has been on a hair trigger to say the least. Add on top of that being sick and having Mommy be away for three days and nights, let's just say Survivor ain't got nothing on me. It took the better part of two days to be able to even mention Mommy without hysterical tears and screaming. Mommy had been away before, last summer for The Weekend to end Breast Cancer, but it was nothing like this. ThingTwo is a different kid all together, this was not easy, and I get the sense this will be the norm for awhile. Thankfully it will be awhile before SugarMomma has to go away again, hopefully ThingTwo will deal a little better by then.

Next is has been Birthday mania around here, three parties in two weeks, and those are just the ones the 'Things were invited to, there were at least two more that I heard about that we weren't invited to, and that's fine with me. What I want to know is, what is going on at the end of May around here? Why was everyone "In The Mood" in late May? We have the most amazing toy store here called Jelly Bean Junction. They are also a Jelly Belly vendor, hence the name. They stock an amazing array of beautiful toys, but even better than this they go above and beyond. Parents can go in make lists like a registry of choices of toys for their kids, and the store keeps track of what has been bought so there are no double-ups, and if that wasn't enough, they wrap the presents, for free! I swear that store is gold mine! They make it so easy, I had three different kids to get presents for, who I knew next to nothing about, I went in, the staff walked me around and pointed out the items on the lists, the ShortThings and I made our choices, they wrapped them on the spot, and we were done! It was awesome! Bigger stores could learn a few things.

Getting back on the post-horse was spurned partly by a call from my mother, from Mexico where she was on vacation for two weeks, concerned that we were all ok because I had not posted anything new on my blog the whole time she was away. I assure you, eveything is fine, I have just been extremely busy and my brain has not been in a posting type of space. We have had Flu-a-palooza raging through the house for what feels like a month and a half now and we are only starting to feel marginally normal in the last few days. I had a chest rattle that rivalled the foley-artist work on the movie Twister, and just today can I breathe in and out without spewing up leftovers from the special effects on Ghostbusters. ThingTwo still has the rattle but her spirit is up because she had Rhocolate today. That's not a typo, Sugarmoma went to the three year old birthday party today armed with "Coins" made from Rice Milk-Chocolate, hence the Rhocolate! Say it fast it sounds like Rock-o-lot!

Coming Up next time: Fugitive Sightings - FWM has crossed the border and is loose in the Great White North!

Stay Tuned!

BBD.

Tags: IPod Touch